Helipads, gold potties, and nose jobs

Apparently, Ed Sheeran is just a normal lad. This is, at least, what I read about him when looking at the gossipy pages of the interweb. Specifically when considering his new helipad that is being constructed at his Suffolk Estate,  I must concede that I too want to be that kind of normal lad.

This is the kind of world we live in now. Bang on about how awful rich bankers are, but when it comes to our favourite pop stars, forgive them the most ridiculous and pointless luxuries. We love littering our countryside with ball jockeys, funding them through their next hair transplant and for their garish Bentleys. And why do you think we keep doing this? Simple. We like to read about it afterwards.

I have been following the saga of Katie Price now for several months, and her messy mansion. Apparently she has just had a nose job, or something. How about that! If we all give her some more money, then we can see when she next shows it off on the beach - or, even better, when she gets naked with Prince Harry in a glitzy Californian resort! Without us giving enough money to our favourite people at which to glare, we could not have this entertainment.

So, what is it about this modern world that makes this new era of gawping possible? Well, it is the media. For decades us Brits have gorged on the page 3 of the Sun, the wonderful rants of the Mirror and now Facebook lets us have at it double quick. This is a new kind of capitalism, and moreover, it is a declined kind. 

Previously, when the super-rich wanted to waste money they just had to do it for themselves and those they knew personally. William II famously made a new style of fashion at his court by wearing long pointy shoes (according to one chronicler), and Blenheim Palace has an 18-carat gold throne (or at least until it was stolen). But these poor sods couldn’t have their excesses blasted all over the media. Poor things. Thus, ladies and gentlemen, I warn you: new capitalism is a bleak future. Or at least, they are bad news for our bank balances as they wither away, to fund the news stories we love.

Oh wait – have you seen Brooklyn Beckham just got his first tattoo on holiday in the Bahamas?!?!?!? OMG.

Toby Morrison (President, Ex-Political Officer, Ex-Publications Editor, Magdalen College) is an undergraduate in his second year of studying Politics, Philosophy, and Economics.